Funnies

Firefighter stages roof top protest and Welsh police facing cuts

                                           send their new volunteer negotiator.

Factual but Funny 
(and please dial 999 in case of emergency not 911)






Riots break out in Trumpton over fire station closure

Violence erupted in the sleepy backwater of Trumpton last night following the announcement that the fire station would be closed and services provided by Fireman Sam Plc from CBBC. Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub are being offered new terms of pay and conditions if they move stations, but Captain Flack will have to take early retirement.

This seems to have been the straw that broke the camel’s back in the eyes of many residents following the steady creep of sell-offs and cut-backs in the former idyll since the 1970s. In early clashes between rioters and the police, the bandstand was overturned and Mr Crockett’s garage set ablaze amongst scenes of general destruction and anarchy across Trumptonshire.

Local resident Brackett explained the people’s anger. ‘I’d been in the employment as butler and footplate man to Lord Belbough for sixty years, man and boy’ he raged, ‘but up comes an offer from Marriott to turn Winkstead Hall into a fancy country hotel and golf course and I’m out on my arse without a by your leave.’

The town’s social infrastructure is at breaking point, with further proposed reforms making matters worse as Dr Mopp threatening to strike over the latest NHS changes. Local industry has also been hit as the Chigley biscuit factory, for decades the largest local employer, is set to close as new owners Kraft move production of Trumpton Crunchies to Poland. Production has also ceased at Colly’s Mill, which was part way through conversion into a set of luxury flats when the housing bubble burst, bankrupting Windy Miller and leaving the mill as a derelict eyesore on the edge of town. Camberwick Green railway station was lost as well after Bessie the engine was stolen for her scrap metal value and has now been demolished to make way for a new Tesco superstore.

Captain Snort and the boys from Pipin Fort have been trying to restore order, but are struggling due to recent casualties in Afghanistan. During a pitched battle for control of the town square, local anarchist Mrs Cobbit summed up the true feelings of the residents. ‘It’s disgraceful that the mayor should still have a chauffer driven car given all the sacrifices that other people are having to make’ she grumbled before lobbing a petrol bomb at PC McGarry (number 452).

(many thanks to www.newsbiscuit.com for this article )

Fire fighter and a Marijuana  Fire  
(yes we know its a spoof, but its  funny) 

Its getting close to the time to decorate your Christmas Tree - and Blaze Bear shows you how to do it safely......

 

 

 

 

Ok so there is a serious point to be made in this video - but the FCCL team were helpless with laughter  whilst watching it.

 

What can we say - we agree 100% with this sentiment 

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Oct 6th  2012 

We are getting reports of complaints of noise at the Gipton 75th Birthday Party on Saturday - apparently the karaoke was a great success though  and Station Commander Nigel Kirks rendition of that great Bryan Adams classic " Everything I do,  I  do it for FRU" was warmly applauded. 

He came second to Tony Head whose Elvis classic "Love Mi' Tender" got marginally more votes. 


There was some debate in the FCCL office today as to whether the picture below was funny, strange or just plain YUK 

So we have decided to have a caption competition - IF you would like to win one of the new WYFRS Hot Date Calendars just email your caption via the link below. The closing date for entries is  31st  October, when the judge (our very own FCCL photographer Nighthawk)  will pick the winning entry. 

To send your winning caption, please email us via this link here  HERE  

(we are wondering why they bothered keeping their hats on btw) 

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Unfortunately, we have to report today that one of the firecutscostlives team failed their health and safety exam.

One of the questions was

"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"

"F#&%ing big ones" was apparently, not the right answer.

(better luck next time Bosshooch )


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A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates. He told himself, "I'm a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line." He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in. I'm a fire chief." The angels replied, "You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir." While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF". The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels. He asked, "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?" To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. That's God, he just thinks he's a Fire Chief."

How do you put out a fire? Take away the HEAT , FUEL , OXYGEN , or the CHIEF!

Two fellows were sitting in a coffee shop ... suddenly the Town's Fire Alarm went off ... one jumped up and headed for the door ... his friend shouted, "Hey, Tom, I didn't know you were a fireman!" Tom replied, "I'm not, but my girlfriend's husband is ... "

Fortunately attacks on crews attending incidents have in recent years diminished, but not so many years ago in certain areas of West Yorkshire it was a major issue. Here is an article from the Huddersfield Examiner in 2008 which gives the context for the "cartoon" below...Huddersfield Examiner June 16th 2008  

A Day in the Life of the Gipton Commandos 

DEFINITION OF RANK
CHIEF	Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.	More powerful than a locomotive	Faster than a speeding bullet	Walks on water	Gives policy to God
ASST. CHIEF	Able to leap short buildings in a single bound	More powerful than a switch engine	Almost as fast as a speeding bullet	Walks on water if sea is calm.	Chats with God
AREA MANAGER	Able to leap short buildings with a head start and tail winds	Almost as fast as a switch engine	Faster than a speeding arrow	Walks on water in an indoor pool	Speaks with God if spec­ial request is approved
GROUP MANAGER	Barely clears small huts	Loses Tug of War' with Locomotive	Can fire speeding bullet	Swims well	Occasionally addressed by God
STATION MANAGER	Climbs over dog houses	Is run over by locomotive	Can fire speeding bullet without self injury	Doggie paddles	Talks to animals
WATCH MANAGER ‘A’	Runs into buildings	Can recognise locomotive 2 out of 3 times	Is not issued with ammo	Can stay afloat if instructed	Talks to walls
CREW MANAGER	Trips over steps entering buildings	Says "Look at the Choo Choo!"	Squirts himself with water pistol	Plays in mud puddles	Mumbles to himself.
FIREFIGHTER	Picks up tallest buildings and walks under them	Kicks loco­motives off their tracks	Catches speeding bullets in his teeth	Freezes water with a single glance	BECAUSE THEY ARE GOD!

Now if you enjoyed "definition of rank" you will most certainly enjoy "Ode to Simon Pilling" which is on one of our partner blogs COVEN ..........its available HERE




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