Sunday, March 31, 2013

Not Yet Nigel

Today when you reset your clocks, West Yorkshire Fire & Rescue suggest you check your smoke alarm. 

BUT there are always a million reasons why you never do 

Not yet  Nigel, its only 5 to 6,
I'm waiting for the Easter bun
To bring my chocolate fix

Not yet Nigel, there's such a lot to do
The rabbits chewed the carpet
So I've put them in stew

Not yet Nigel, its time to cook some lunch
But its not quite 11 yet
I think i'll call it "brunch"

Not yet Nigel, its time watch TV
Nigellas on and licking spoons
Food porn it is to me

Not yet Nigel, I'm off to B & Q
I'm British, on bank holidays
Its what the natives do

Not yet Nigel its time to make some tea
Shopping for shelves and gloss paint
Gives an appetite you see

Not yet Nigel, I'm tired and need a snooze
My feet up on the sofa
And I'll watch the evening news

Not yet Nigel,its time to go to bed
I've drunk too much  (of gin I think)
I have a pounding head!

Oh shit Nigel the house is burning down
I didn't check the smoke alarm
It didn't make a sound

I'm DEAD Nigel, whatever shall i do
I should have checked the batteries
like you had told me to

Tomorrow check your smoke alarm,
No go do it NOW!
Cos West Yorkshire Fire and Rescue
Need to get the risk rate down


(but contrary to what they will have youthink they don't reduce the risk of you having a fire - they just prevent you dying in it. 


Anonymous said...

Why the personal attacks on Nigel Kirk? This message to check smoke alarms wasnt made by Mr Kirk, I believe it is a national campaign, yet once again you have a personal swipe. Having known Nigel Kirk for many years both professionally and personally, I have always found him to be a very fair man who cares deeply about not only the Fire Service in general but also Gipton station and it's area. While I am fully in agreement about opposing station closures, downsizing etc, I think your personal attacks on one individual detract from what you are trying to achieve.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear I think someone's being paranoid. Not now Nigel is a poem by
Allan Ahlberg, this is just a parody of that one. For the full original see

Anonymous said...

Anybody who knows Big Nige would know he would be well pleased about this. Chuffed to bits, not paranoid.

Anonymous said...

you have missed your vocation, wyfrs should employ you as their marketing expert. Poachers make the best gamekeepers.

Sarah Covell said...

Thats very kind of you to say but i think i will stay this side of the fence - things are getting interesting